Breaking Points & Blessings

This past week, Jennifer and I had the privilege of an extended weekend at her parent's place on Lake Okoboji.  Other than the mayflies and a few rain showers, it was a gorgeous week of relaxation.  Too much food, some icy plunges into the lake, a little construction and wedding planning and lots of laying around -- it was glorious!

Now we are back in Madison.

Sometimes the  reality of our current situation punches us in the face with blinding force.   Welcome to our last two days.  I am no closer to a job than I was two months ago.  Jennifer has not gotten calls either.  Financial conversations put us on edge and we are getting fearful of transitioning well and comfortably into marriage in a little less than three months!

This morning has been hard.  Feeling overwhelmed.  Depressed.  Some doubts about the Lord's timing and questions about what his purpose is in all of this...

As I drove over to Jennifer's I heard a song I've heard many times before.

Today I needed to hear it.

Laura Story - "Blessings"

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights 

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights 

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights 

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

This really resonates with me today.  I hear, "We pray for wisdom / Your voice to hear / And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near / We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love / As if every promise from Your Word is not enough."  Intellectually we as believers learn that God has a good and perfect plan for our our lives.  But in moments of challenge, specifically extended challenging periods, we begin to doubt.  Well, at least I begin to doubt.

I have to fight the thoughts that tell me "I know what is best for me." That say, "Right now, I NEED an income" and "I NEED to be setting up an apartment and a stable bank account for my bride-to-be."

Logic tells me those things are good and of utmost importance.  But sometimes God isn't logical, at least in our limited understanding.

"I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  (Jeremiah 29:11) God promises his protection and provision in our lives.  "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."  God says it first to Moses then to Joshua in Deuteronomy 31, but he says it to us in Hebrews 13!

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As I write this, I find another blessing from the Lord!  I've never noticed this before.  "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" is half of the sentence.  The phrase immediately prior to that, within the same verse is...

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, Never will I leave you..."  (Hebrews 13:5)

Contentment.

It's hard to keep when things aren't going well.  So, I will continue to pray for provision and direction in my job search, but I will also pray for more contentment.

Like the title of the song, I am greatly blessed.  I have the love of a Godly, incredible and honorable woman I don't deserve.  Even without a job, I am thriving in Madison.  God is blessing Jennifer and I with friends, a great church, personal ministry, and providing incredible provision through the summer from some great and generous friends.  We may not say it enough, but thank you!  You know who you are.